I'll pitch these in person tomorrow, but just to give you guys an idea of what's going on now.
- He's at school, kids are whispering behind him making him uncomfortable and isolated.
- Teacher walks in and swipes the board starting up the hologram interface and pulls her lesson plan out as a ball of light. The light acts like seeds planting themselves into a kelp forest popping up one by one.
- The kelp isolates him from the other kids, causing him to get up and his desk to disappear.
- He notices fish and a mantaray swim around while the teacher and the other children are behind him also looking up and discussing the fish around them.
- Transition through the kelp to an older tree in the foreground and the boy and one of his classmates in a grassy field.
- They're looking around a bit confused when they feel a tremor, and a giant dinosaur foot passes across screen, followed by another foot.
- From their perspective the teacher is talking about the giant beast, showing the size comparison to them and the huge creature.
- Cuts to them being excited and used as a transition in space from grassy background fading into a starry one (keeping position)
-Smiling with excitement, they put on holograph protective eye gear, to see the sun in the middle as it goes super nova in the center of the children.
- Hologram actually effects their hair as a representation of force actually causes a wind effect on him, and he's having the time of his life.
- Bell rings and the holograms start disappearing.
- He leaves school while walking toward camera... possible walking and camera hold which would go through the car he gets into, and he sits down.
- Mom asks him once he's buckled in how his day was.
- He looks back out the window and smiles lightly.
- He responds after we fade to black.
I'll be working on cleaning these up tomorrow and adding more film style transitions so there won't be arrows and stuff.
These are definitely looking clearer and I love the seeds turning into the Kelp forest! I think it's a great way to sell the "wonder" factor from the beginning. And it'll be a great opportunity to add some cool special effects!
ReplyDeleteI would be careful breaking the 180 rule in the beginning. I know it's to show the board is transparent, but I think there might be a clear way to illustrate that without flipping the camera around so much.
I might also be careful not to make the character seem angry before he sits down at his desk. I think his character would be more timid/shy/reluctant to learn. Especially if kids were making fun of him, he'd be shy and reclusive.
I'll try and integrate some of the beats into of the Dino VisDev to really sell the idea (:
Adding on to what Ashley said already, I think you need to change up your camera angles a bit more. Everything seems to be at a medium shot with the main character on the right side of the screen. Sorta like what the woman from Nickelodeon said, take a look at all of the boards on one page since it'll help you see where you need some visual contrast or change up a few things.
ReplyDeleteI think a simple pan or track with the character breaking through the kelp would be an interesting effect and might help sell that he's underwater and to help sell the depth of space.
At the end especially, I want a tight closeup of the character looking longingly through the car window because that's a really important emotional note.